Back to School Nightmares
By Don Rittner


One annual event is the ceremony of going back to school. Often traumatic for kids, but deliverance for parents, it certainly has changed over the years.

Before I start sounding old, my remarks are objective observations surrounding personal recollections of my own dysfunctional childhood and present parenthood. Objective? Yeah, right.

The week before School 5 opened (present County office building), I was lucky if my mother took me to Woolworth's on 3rd Street for a pair of new pants, paper, and pencils. There were neither malls nor superhighways. Downtown Troy had more stores on one or two blocks than the combined malls of Colonie Center and Grossgates today. You didn't spend $5 in gas to get there either - walk or take the bus. There was no Wal-Mart empire, or million dollar ad campaigns to get your money or discount coupons.

School supplies didn't break your parent's budget, even if they were poor, and there were no $150 sneakers. Sneakers were for gym day only. You didn't buy transparent knapsacks so monitors could check for weapons. A pack of ciggies was the only vice. Your entire back to school collection consisted of some book covers (books were loaned and had to be returned), a few pencils (no pens), some loose leaf paper, and an apple for the teacher. This pretty much took care of middle school and high school needs also. Yes, there were the few kids that came from well to do parents who had their own cars, but we all hated them anyway.

Today, depending on your kid's age group, you need to be sure your laptop is running; you know where the WI-FI location is; stock up on blank CDR's; charge the cell phone; make the car payment; load the iPod; be sure your pants are too big (male); your pants are too tight (female); you have a good supply of ink jet cartridges; have an email account, and personal Web page; Blog; the nurse knows what meds you take and when; open a small bank account for lunches; get a bottle of antibacterial soap; all your shots; and note to the teacher regarding any allergies to things, people, or political statements.

In my day, you walked to school and didn't worry about being kidnapped, beaten, or robbed. Ok, maybe beaten by the local bully, but by school's end there was payback. For those taking the bus, the driver was courteous, if not a bit wacky, but you didn't have to run a background check on him.

If caught in the bathroom, it was for smoking a cigarette, not snorting cocaine, making a deal, having sex, or planning an invasion of the school. You didn't talk back to the teacher since a trip to the principal's office had serious consequences (no child abuse charges then).

So, this week, I put my 6 and 9 year old on the bus, kissed them goodbye, and hoped for the best. The new bus driver - from Buffalo - was late. After school, I waited another half hour. The driver wasn't given a dry run on the route. Sadly, he was driving around in circles for 30 minutes. He dropped the kids off 4 blocks away - in the rain. The following day when the driver finally found his way to my intersection, all the kids on the bus had their faces and hands pressed to the windows, shouting for me to rescue them.

To compound this, I already gave up picking up my 12 year old from middle school. Each day, I waited and watched as 3 or more police cars patrolled the grounds, while the principal and staff, all well placed with walkie-talkies, kept the crowd moving. I felt like I was trying to spring my kid from prison.

Finally, a colleague of mine asked if I would take her to the SUNYA library to drop off a book. As we approached the parking lot, which now incurs a charge, I asked if there was a book drop off. The man said, "Sure - at the library." He also said we had 15 minutes free to park. We literally ran to and from the library. It took 17 minutes. I had to pay the buck. When asked how one could possibly do it in 15 minutes, he said, "...hell, you can't even make it to the campus center in that short a time."

This is the same university that advertised to bring our kids to the campus and see Mars' close encounter. We were met by campus police who turned us away. There were "too many people trying to get in." Get in where? It was held on the grounds - outside!

If education is a companion, there are way too many lonely people.